Last night Craig and I had our first social outing since we lost Naomi Grace.
We were able to celebrate at a dear friend's wedding reception.
She was a beautiful bride and I am so thankful we were able to attend.
What I didn't know is how awkward I would feel the whole time.
How are you?
Almost every conversation at an event like this starts with those words.
The hard part was that I didn't know what people were asking.
Was it a typical small talk greeting?
Was it their way of acknowledging they know what has happened and were really wanting to know how we are doing?
I totally froze up and only engaged in conversation with a few people.
There were a lot of people I could have said hello to,
but I didn't.
I feel bad,
but I'm not going to beat myself up about it.
They could have approached us too.
Even though it feels like all eyes are looking to see how we are doing or
how we respond when a new baby walks by,
there is a good chance most of those people have no idea what happened and
it's all in my head.
I text a friend a couple of days ago that I hadn't had any conversation with yet.
She was thankful to hear from me and admitted she didn't know what to say.
I am 99% certain I would feel the same way if the roles were reversed.
Here are some helpful hints for anyone who has a friend or family member going through loss:
1) Don't be afraid to acknowledge their loss.
I'm sorry for your loss.
2) Don't be afraid to call them/it by name.
I'm sorry to hear about Naomi Grace.
I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your father.
I'm sorry you got laid off.
3) Don't be afraid if you don't know what to say.
You can't fix this for them so you don't have to have any wise words.
Some of the most sincere comments I got were from people who simple said
I have no words.
I don't know what to say.
My internal response was almost always
Thank you! Thank you for acknowledging our loss and thank you for not saying something stupid.
I'm thankful it won't feel like this forever -
for us or our family, friends, and acquaintances.
