Let's talk about lies.
We all hear them whispered in our ears.
Sometimes we buckle under the weight;
sometimes we fight back with truth.
As it turns out, just because you are grieving doesn't mean you are immune.
For months I have been fighting a lie that has rocked me to the core:
You did not deserve to be Naomi's mother.
You are angry.
You are not a good mother.
You yell at your kids.
You hated being pregnant when you were so sick.
The list goes on.
I am happy to report that for the most part this is no longer a daily battle.
I've had to give it over to the Lord again and again.
To ask him to remind me who I am - not because of anything I have done.
To ask him to transform me and help me get through each day.
hurricanes and massive flooding.
Lots of friends and family have been hurting.
It's like I've been looking in a mirror as I watch people grieve and process their losses.
The overwhelming support we felt after we lost Naomi has calmed.
I'm not saying that in a negative way.
It's just how it goes.
I still have friends and family that ask how I'm doing,
that call Naomi by name.
It's just not the daily norm anymore.
For the most part that is fine.
God continues to heal our hearts as time marches on.
I cry less than I used to.
I feel physically sick less than I used to -
although the sight of the little girl clothes in Target still it takes my breath away.
One of the things I've wrestled with lately is how to answer questions:
How many kids do you have?
Do you want to have more children?
Are you going to go for a rainbow baby?
I'd say these range from personal to highly inappropriate.
I think I have a response for all of them,
but I still find myself emotional every single time they are asked.
It's been five months.
It feels like one minute.
It feels like a hundred years.
It feels like a hundred years.
