Well, here we are
ONE FREAKIN' YEAR.
We decided to spend the day together -
just the four of us.
Brady wanted a birthday cake,
to write cards for his memory box,
to go to the mountains.
So we did those things.
We also went for a quick trip to the cemetery.
Some trees had fallen after a wind storm yesterday.
Thankfully none of them were in "baby land."
That would have been too much for my heart today.
Up in Estes we ate pizza, played arcade games,
bought taffy, and walked around the lake.
There were a few tears because,
"None of the fun things are open!"
(Think mini golf and the aerial tramway)
Then we came home and released some balloons.
#don'tjudge
It was a good day.
So what do I have to say for the year?
April 17, 2017 was the worst day of my life.
That night I wrote a quick journal entry.
It basically said I will not let our hurt,
and Naomi's life, be wasted.
(Funny enough this was the message at church 2 weeks ago.)
So, I have done things I might not otherwise have done -
like blog some pretty personal parts of my grief journey -
and then link them on Facebook.
I was a guest on a podcast.
I wrote about grief for a Bible Study.
April 18, 2017 I got to hold Naomi.
She was so perfect, so beautiful.
I am thankful we had those hours with her.
So here we are April 18, 2018.
Today I know our little girl is loved -
by her parents, brothers, grandparents,
and all our extended family.
Today I have a deeper love for my husband
than I have ever known.
Today I have seen what compassion looks like
because of how my friends have come alongside me.
Today I have a new and growing network of friends
who have lost babies of their own.
Today I have hope that my baby is whole
and that we will see her again.
Today I know that life isn't fair,
but we can't stop living.
Today I know that we will never have all the answers,
but the answers might not be that important.
Today I know that parenting through grief is
really, really hard.
Today I know that you have to keep laughing
even if it's through tears.
Today I know that God has been with us in every moment -
the darkest hour,
the deepest hurts,
the tears,
the questions.
He is faithful.
It's been one year.
It feels like one minute.
It feels like a hundred years.
