My entire life I wanted to "be" a wife and mom. I can never remember wanting to "be" anything else: not a teacher, lawyer, doctor, nurse, or anything else that kids dream about growing up to become.
Well I've been a wife for almost six years and it's been pretty wonderful. I've heard lots of talk about how hard the first year of marriage is for people. For us it was pretty much a piece of cake.
Then I became a mom...
Brady was born almost two years ago. The newborn days were hard for me. My body was broken in labor and delivery. Recovery was very difficult, but I didn't realize it was anything out of the ordinary. At one point I called my mom crying and asked her to come back in town to help me.
The sleep deprivation combined with the pain I was experiencing was just too much. We got through that and I went back to work. Still I was exhausted. Around six months postpartum I started pelvic physical therapy. Yes, there is such a thing. If having a baby doesn't take away your modesty then pelvic pt will. Brady didn't sleep through the night until after his first birthday. I would have never said he was a "bad" baby, but I sure was exhausted by the kid.
About the time life settled into a more normal pattern we found out I was pregnant again. The wave of emotions I felt was indescribable. You see, being a mom, the very thing I had wanted my whole life was straight up kicking my tail. I didn't want to be a working mom but going to work felt so good. I didn't have to be at home feeling like I was failing at being a mother. I didn't know what to do with my kid. I couldn't keep the house clean. Cooking dinner? Ha!
Being a mom is the absolute hardest thing I have ever done. I've settled in and wouldn't change a thing. I actually think being a mom of two is significantly easier than when it was just Brady. I'm not exactly sure how that worked out other than by the grace of God.
Everything has been easier the second time. Sammy IS a good baby. We are mostly sleeping through the night (waking up for one feed then going back to bed). The boys don't wake us up terribly early either.
We are all finding our stride. I'm no longer afraid that I can't do this. I'm not in this alone. Craig is an amazing support and I have to trust that God is going to give me exactly what I need to get through each day. There is a lot of praying for patience...a lot.
I'm so thankful for my boys. They teach me and stretch me each and every day. They push me to look to Jesus. I am so thankful that they are mine and that being a mother is actually nothing like I ever expected.
It's so much more.
